If Love Requires Effort, Was It Meant To Be?
Putting in more effort than the other person is a common problem in relationships. And in a way, it’s a good problem to be giving too much in a relationship — it shows that you’re a caring person who wants to put yourself out for other people. But the issue comes when being a giving person leaves you in a one-sided relationship. Often we give to our partners in the exact way that we want them to give to us. Rather than follow their cues we assume that they have the same needs as we ourselves do.
I’ve watched so many friends think that they can change someone by just giving and giving — and I’ve done the same.
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As much as we might wish that every relationship would play out like a fairy tale, the reality is that healthy, happy, long-lasting relationships don’t just happen : it takes a lot of effort — on the part of both partners — to maintain a long-term relationship. If you’re not putting enough effort into your relationship , it will eventually show: you could feel your connection to your partner starting to fade , or notice that you’re fighting more than usual.
In order to prevent the relationship from eventually fizzling out, you and your partner should both be committed to actively improving your relationship even if it’s already a good one , whether that’s by carving out more alone time, taking up a new hobby together, or even experimenting in bed. This will vary from couple to couple; however, nothing thrives on neglect. Spending adequate time together is critical.
It means time when you are interacting in intimate ways — emotionally, physically, intellectually, etc. Simply put, you can’t grow as a couple if you aren’t both making an active effort to maintain your romantic connection. It might seem daunting, but putting effort into your relationship isn’t as scary as it sounds: it’s as simple as showing a genuine desire to keep learning about each other and sharing new experiences.
If you balk at even the thought of doing “work” to maintain your connection and make your partner happy, that’s a pretty clear sign that you’ve checked out of the relationship in some way. The idea of connection should bring joy because the end result is happiness and fulfillment. When you first start dating someone, it’s natural to feel like you’re trying harder to impress them, especially compared to when you’ve settled into a long-term relationship.
But all those little things you did to impress them and create special memories don’t have to disappear when you get comfortable together. How do you feel about those things now?